So, at first it was going to be DOT Lahoo, but then I saw CP EL and fell in love with it. Both of these dolls are big. Too big. So though they are gorgeous, there's not much I can do unless I start sanding off bits and pieces off their legs... -_-
Which of course, I can't do, now, can I? This would've suited me so perfectly, but alas, it just can't be helped. Size, I guess, just matters too much.
So, I went back to see if any of the DOCs might suit my needs and realized that they are, in fact, pleasingly cheap. Cheap is very good as far as I am concerned. Oh, so very good.
And? I looked at the U head and realized I might just be able to work it. That, along with the long-legged body (which is out of stock at the moment, but hopefully will come around again by the time I have enough money, and which is of course not as hot as the SD-sized body, which I oh so covet, but will have to do), would end up costing me about 290 dollars. We add eyes (acrylic read eyes cost 9,50), shipping and bank fees and it should come around the same price I paid for Roy, which would suit me fine. The long-legged body with head should be around 45cm tall, which means that Rin would be a lovely 2cm taller than Roy. Perfect size. Just perfect.
It's just a matter of finding the money and then figuring out how to pull off a full body tanning and makeup for the poor bastard. Easier said than done, but at least it would keep me occupied for a bit. Plus, it will probably end up costing a bundle, what with having to try several times... which I probably must, since I've never done anything like that before. I'll probably suck as always and buy it using the money I get from the job I was offered before (the same money I supposedly used to buy Roy). I was going to save that for the summer, in case I don't get a summer job, but I'll be stupid and risk it. I'll just have to really make an effort to find a job! And if I don't? I'll borrow from my mom. Or dad. Or someone. Meh swallow meh pride and do the whole "I'm so sorry, I screwed up" -act and beg for cash from wherever I can, because I just have no shame. I'm sure it'll work out somehow. It always does. If it doesn't? Well, it just will. It has to. I don't see how it couldn't. It might suck for a bit there, but it'll work out. ^^;
Gah, I always feel so guilty about buying stuff I sort of can't afford, yet I do it anyway. Even if I might regret it later on. I still sometimes regret buying Roy, but it's mostly because I feel guilty because something that expensive should be a lot more fun. Which is silly, since my digicam cost just as much and I don't feel at all guilty about not really using it. It was every bit as much a waste of my money as Roy. As is my scanner & printer. I use these things, but they haven't really brought me enough joy (or benefit) to justify the cost. So yeah, I'm easily suckered into buying things I find amusing for just a while. Somehow I believe that buying Rin will make the dolls more interesting. Or that I'll feel less guilty because Roy won't be alone. (As if the boy had real feelings or something and would feel lonely when I lose interest. -_-;) So I'm using more money to try to justify my use of a lot of money to buy a doll that I'm only semi-interested in. Though I should probably point out at this point that I'm rarely fanatic about anything and thus the interest I have in Roy is in my case already quite commendable. This is about as excited as I get. I know this. And I want things in my life that I can be excited about, even if it doesn't last or I'll regret it later.
Most people would probably tell me that I shouldn't be spending this much money on something I don't feel very strongly about. Maybe I shouldn't? But I guess I'm too impatient to wait and see if I'm really serious about something, because I fear I won't be (which is most always the case) and then I'll miss that tiny chance of being at least a little bit excited about something. Does this make any sense? I'm fickle, oh yes I am.
I'll probably get Rin as soon as I can. As soon as I have the opportunity. I'll most likely regret it later, but I'm like that. I have no patience. I like doing things without worrying too much about them. If I want something, I want it right away, regardless of the consequences. And when I say I sometimes regret buying Roy, it's not that I'm complaining, it's a mere statement of a fact. I knew it was going to happen and it's a choice I made and am quite willing to live with. Besides, who knows what'll happen in the future. There is a part of me that loves Roy to bits because he's just the cutest thing ever, even if I'm already bored of him (which, I know, is probably not a nice thing to say ^^;). Heh, he has only been here a week and already I'm bored. Usually people are thrilled when they get their dolls. Maybe I'd be more excited if I could do something with him. Dote on him, make him clothes (no sewing machine, no money), buy him things (again, the money issue), make a house for him (money money money, must be funny...), take pictures of him with Rin. That sort of stuff. Even something as simple as changing his clothes for a photoshoot... that might get me interested. I just don't have anything for him to change into. I guess what bores me the most is the lack of resources.
So yeah, I want Rin. In this case, that'll probably mean DOC long-legged + U head + red acrylic eyes = around 350 euros, depending on shipping charge, customs and such things. Then I want money enough to buy fabric and supplies. A sewing machine. We'll see how long that'll keep me busy, how long until I'm bored again. I guess I am a horrible materialist. This hobby seems like one for a true materialist. ^^; The only time I'm happy is when I invest in something horribly expensive and for the most part, useless. Then again, money has been used to buy things much more useless than this.
I realize that saving up these amounts of money can be character-building and good for you, but I doubt that's the case with me because I get into these things so spontaneously, I won't wait until I've saved the money. I take loans. I know debt is not the way to go (expecially, if you're using the money to get something that you're only going to be interested in for a moment), but does that stop me? Oh no. I think the real question is, can I live with myself if I'm neck-deep in debt. Is that such a sin? I get what I want, I pay for it later? I will pay for it at some point, won't I? Of course, that's not something I can guarantee, can I? I might be dead tomorrow... So is it fair to the people I borrow money from? Does that really matter? Can I live with myself knowing that I'm just this selfish, that I care only about my own needs, that I take care of me, even if it means it's something away from another person? Unless of course it isn't, since I will pay back if I can. But there's a possibility I can't and won't, which worries me a bit, but perhaps not to the extent that it should. Does this make me a bad person? That I do stuff now, without really giving it much thought and worry about the consequences later?
Oh, and guess why I like to jump to things without giving them much thought?
Just look at the amount of scribbly poo I managed to write here right now. If I stop to think about things, it'll be ten times as much as this. I'll be in the grave before I ever get to experience anything. *sigh*
Behind door #1: Life of worrying, doing nothing and dying before I have the chance to do anything.
Door #2: Life of worrying not so much, doing stuff, then eventually maybe taking the responsibility for it (though it may not be fun).
Conclusion? Get doll ASAP, worry about it later.